The Epic Adventures of the Hetalia Heroes
by 8 rainbow stegosaurus 8
Summary: America helps England cook. WOAH. Somewhere along the line, they get superpowers. OH SNAP. But it's not all fun and games as enemy forces begin to develop. HOLY STUFF. rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hellooo. Welcome all! Readers of my other stories and new readers are invited to this sparkly planet of oysters! Now, a story of mine that very popular right now is **_**Nightmare**_**. This being said, I'd like to let you all know that this story is absolutely NOTHING like that. This story is cracktastic and STRAIGHT AS AN EFFIN' RAINBOW. **_**Tasty Gloves**_** is also popular, if you read [and liked] that story, you should like this one too. So, my dear tasty cabbages…enjoy!**

**DEEZCLAMAAH-**

**This anime is, like, TOTALLY not mine!**

THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!

_Episode one:_

"_Holy shit! We gotz superpowers!"_

"Ugh!" France made a face as he spit out the food he'd eaten. "England, you are not fit to make food for humans!" he yelled. "That was _harsh_!" Arthur shot back, sounding hurt, "Was it really _that bad_?" he asked. Francis scoffed, "To say it tasted _bad_ would be an understatement, Angleterre." England glared at the Frenchman as his sadness suddenly turned into anger. With a _gentlemanly_ growl, he tackled France to the floor, roughly grasping his neck. "Guhg…!" Francis chocked out in protest. "Shut up, Frog!" rasped England angrily. France shook his head, frustrated, and motioned toward the door. The Brit turned his head to see a confused, possibly terrified, America standing in the doorway.

"Uh…um…." America tried to think of what to say. England, on the other hand, thought of something instantaneously, "What the _hell_ are you doing in my house?" America regained his composure, "Sorry, dude, just didn't know you and French Fry were an item…erm… I'll just—" "Wait…what?" England interrupted, sounding confused, he looked back down at France for a moment and realized the position they were in. The Frenchman noticed to and grinned, "honhonhon~" he laughed. "Ah! N-no!" Arthur jumped up quickly and began to run after the traumatized American, "NO NO NO! It's not like that! I swear!" "It's fine, bro." replied Alfred shakily, "I wasn't planning on sleeping tonight anyway." England raised a finger in protest, "No! Ok, let me tell you what happened…"

_A few minutes later…._

"Your food sucks." America said flatly. "It was a different recipe…." replied England sadly. Alfred sighed, "How about you let a _hero_ help you cook?" There was a moment of silence. "That sounds like a _horrible _idea." stated England. Alfred let out an obnoxious laugh, "Fine, dude, let _France_ help you out then. You'd probably like that better anyway." He waved a gloved hand and began to leave. "Ack! I told you it wasn't like that!" Arthur yelled. The American continued walking toward the door. "Fine!" England yelled. Alfred stopped and turned his head, "Hm?" "Fine…" England repeated, "You can help me cook, but I'm only doing this to prove I'm not together with France."

America and England both hated each other's cooking, so they ended up both fighting over one bowl. America threw in a burger and poured in some soda and ice cream. England mixed in scones, crumpets, biscotti, and tea. Then, the two of them both ran for wooden spoons, fighting each other to stir. After that, they fought over who was going to put the dish in the oven. In the end they both shoved it in roughly, making a huge mess that England began to clean up. America, on the other hand, began to watch T.V. Eventually, Arthur joined him.

_Ding!_

Both countries glared at each other. "I guess it's done." America said in a low voice. "Indeed." replied England. Alfred began to slowly rise from his spot on the couch, Arthur did the same. In an instant, both nations were hauling ass to get to the oven. America flung it open and England grabbed their creation. Alfred stole it from him and slammed it on the table, "HA!" Arthur grimaced as he ran to grab plates, he slammed them both on the table in unison, nearly breaking them, "HA!" he shot back. America put food on each dish. "HA!" England grabbed the silverware. "HA!" Alfred and Arthur both began to shovel down the food hastily, uttering "HA" repeatedly as they did so.

_Bleeeeeeeh~_

America leaned over the toilet, a sickly look on his face. Arthur was nearby, grasping a small trash can. "I—_guh_ told you this was a bad idea…git." said England. America, who was in too much pain to shoot back an egotistical comeback, simply replied, "Shut up."

England staggered to his feet, still holding the tiny trashcan from earlier. He wobbled out of the bathroom and continued towards the door. Upon reaching his destination, he grasped his stomach in pain. "Uh, America, could I keep this…?" he called out, holding up the trashcan. "S-sure, go for it." Alfred replied groggily. Arthur nodded and left.

It was_ not _a pleasant ride home for England. Halfway home, the sickly Englishman filled up the tiny trash can, and _apparently_, flight attendants don't like that. Arthur realized this as he was exiting the plane when he noticed the dirty looks being shot at him. He sighed, feeling slightly better that he'd left the '_used_' trashcan back in his seat; he had no need for it anymore anyway. If America wanted it back now, well, then he was disgusting.

England let out an exasperated sigh as he entered his home, "Guh… I feel so sick…." England complained. "Oh, did you eat that _filth_ you fed me earlier, mon ami?" a voice replied. "Wha—? France, how long have you been here?!" exclaimed Arthur. "Ever since you left." France replied. "LEAVE!" England yelled, gesturing wildly toward the door. Francis put up his hands defensively as he stood up, he slowly took his leave. England slammed the door behind him. "Damn frog…." he grumbled. "First he insults my cooking. Then, he stays at my house and _waits_ for me to come home just so he can insult it again!" Arthur felt himself becoming increasingly angry. "What kind of stupid, rude, un-gentlemanly, narcissistic…uh...STUPID person would do that?!"

In an attempt to disregard his extreme frustration, England slowly walked into his kitchen to get some water. When he entered his kitchen, he noticed a piece of paper resting on his table. "A note?" he questioned.

_England, Your food stinks._

_-France_

England slowly put down the paper, in a, '_Shit just got serious._' kind of way. Seething rage pulsed through him. Sure, one may think that England was over-reacting, but after the day he'd had, it was as normal as something that's normal; that's pretty normal. 

From his rising anger, England began to feel a heat swell up in…his eyebrows? The Englishman stopped yelling for a moment, "What the he—?!"

_PEW._

The initial sound was decently quiet, but it was soon replaced with a loud, _BOOM_. England was speechless; two bullets had shot out of his eyebrows and created a huge hole in the wall. In case you didn't know, eyebrows aren't supposed to do that, not even English ones. "Uh…" England trailed off, he slowly reached for his phone and dialed America's number.

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

_Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing._

"Duuuuuude! Epic timing bro! Did somethin' weird happen to you, too?" "Well," Arthur sighed, "how does, 'laser-shooting eyebrows' sound?" Alfred laughed hysterically, "Dude, that's freakin' awesome!" Slightly angered by being laughed at, England replied, "Hey, how come you aren't sick anymore?" America scoffed, "I grew up on _your _food, I can live through _anything_."

_Far away, in a place completely unrelated to the plot…_

2012 stood up, he, being a moment in time, had overheard America's rather risky statement. "Challenge accepted." he announced flatly. "Challenge accepted…."

_Back to the plot…_

England yelled at America for insulting his cooking. After that, he decided there was a question that should be asked. "So, what happened to you then?" he inquired. "Uh…you know Nantucket?" America answered. "What?" asked Arthur. "That one rebellious piece of hair that I have." Alfred explained. "The cowlick?" England suggested. "Yeah." America replied. "What about it?" England asked. "It became a whip…" "Oh…interesting…" Alfred suddenly became excited, "Wait, does this mean…" he began. "Yeah, I think it does…" England answered, having an idea of what he was going to say.

"Holy shit! We gotz superpowers!" they yelled in unison.

**Whew! Finished! This was a kinda far out idea, but, you know, whatever. Anyway, I will deem you an awesome person if you favorite this story, an**_** amazing**_** person if you follow this story, an **_**AWESOME **_**person if you follow/favorite my other stories, and you get to be the HERO if you do everything mentioned before **_**and **_**review! Or you can just review…. Those things make my day…..**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hellooooooo! Welcome once again to another episode of The Epic Adventures of the Hetalia Heroes! Boys, girls, sea cucumbers… gather 'round! **

**DEEZCLAAMAH**

** Trust me; you don't want me to own Hetalia….**

_LAST TIME ON, "THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!"_

"_I made food!" said England. "I don't like it!" declared France. "I'm suddenly angry and wish to tackle you!" yelled England tackling France. "America's at the door!" stated France. "I'm at the door!" America yelled, "That position looks wrong and has made me uncomfortable, I'm leaving!" "No! Don't leave! I'm just a bad cook!" England yelled after him. "Let me help you cook." America suggested. "Ok!" England agreed. _

"_I shouldn't have helped you cook." noted America. "No shit." replied England. _

"_I'm at England's house!" declared France. "Get out of my house!" screamed England. _

_PEW. _

"…_I should call America." said England. "I got superpowers!" America stated. "Me too!" England answered._

"_Holy shit! We gotz superpowers!"_

Episode 2

"_Neigh._"

England sighed, "Of all the superpowers I could get, why on _Earth_ did it have to be—" "Power brows!" America interrupted. "What…?" England questioned. "That's what I'm calling your power dude!" Alfred explained, "It's also your new nickname~!" "N-nickname…?" England stuttered. "Yeah Dude! Every superhero has a nickname!" "Ok then…what's _your _nickname then?" Arthur asked.

America smirked; he struck a pose, "_Whiplash_." He said huskily. England laughed a bit under his breath. His expression softened, however, when a question came to mind. "I haven't seen you use your power yet, may I see…?" he asked. Alfred got out of his pose, "uh, sure dude." He said.

America walked to the middle on the room, "By the way," he said, "you might hate me for this, but there's only one way I can get it to work…" England shot him a questioning look. America raised his finger, "One sec…" he reached into his pocket and retrieved a small mix tape. Then, he lifted up a boom box that rested next to him. "Where did _that _come from?" Arthur asked, slightly concerned. "Are you kidding me?" America replied, "I don't go anywhere without my jams!" "Right…" England sighed. Alfred nodded, with a smile, he inserted the tape into the tape deck. He closed it roughly and jammed his finger onto the play button. There was some mechanical noise before the song started.

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

Suddenly, America's cowlick grew extremely long. It almost looked like a snake, and clearly, Alfred was controlling it. It was definitely cool, but England was too busy trying to fathom the song that had activated America's powers to notice. "That song is _revolting_!" the Englishman exclaimed. "It's so _repetitive_. Do you plan on being a superhero that has to have that disgusting song playing every time you use your powers…?" America sent Arthur a stare so serious is was startling, "Yes." He stated flatly. England raised his hands up defensively, "Ok." He said. "Ok?" Alfred questioned. "Ok." Arthur confirmed with a nod. America nodded back and retrieved his boom box. "Ok!" he yelled, his tone lightening up a bit. "Let's find us some supervillians!"

_Meanwhile, in Poland…_

"Pony! Like, where are you?" Poland called. He'd lost his beloved horse again and was now on a search and destroy mission to find him. Luckily, the terminology, "destroy", only meant to do so to the best of his ability. So, the only thing destroyed so far was a small piece of any homophobic man's heart, as Poland just so happened to be wearing a pink V-neck shirt with short shorts. "Pony!" he called again.

A mile or so ahead, Pony had heard Poland calling him. Even so, Pony was a pony, so he continued to gallop away happily, ignoring the polish man as he did so.

Miles away, Japan was conversing with his scientists on a new invention. It was a revolutionary intelligence-increasing beam that could change the world forever. There were still a few kinks to it and a plethora of Japanese scientists were trying their best to remedy them. To remain discrete, the device beam took the form of a rainbow, sneakily adding color to the skies from Okinawa to Tokyo. "Yo guys! How ya doin?!" a voice boomed through the laboratory. Kiku and his scientist turned to face the owner of that voice with fear. "Bob!" they all yelled.

Bob was an American scientist who'd previously worked for NASA. He'd helped with the creation of the intelligence beam and used that as an excuse not to leave. "Yup, that's my name, excited to see me again?" Bob waved his hand, "Wait, don't say anything. I know how happy you are, but we have a job to do. Don't waste your attention on me!" he ran his finger through his short black hair and smiled. The room was silent, until a woman with long brown hair tied back into a ponytail spoke up. "Your services aren't of need to us right now, I aporogize." she said this in the nicest way possible. Bob laughed, "Alright," he said. "I'll just hang out for a while then!" All of the scientists died a little inside when they heard those words. The American walked across the room toward the scientists, "So, is it almost do—"

It all went downhill from there.

Bob had slipped on an oddly placed banana peel. He reached his hands out to find something to stop him from hitting the floor. Bob latched on to an unknown joystick. When he pulled himself back up, he accidently pulled it downward. "NO!" Japan yelled. The other scientists ran to the window. The joystick controlled how long the rainbow was and what direction it went. Originally, the other end of the beam was located in a restricted and well-guarded area. Kiku urgently ran to a television monitor to check the location of the rainbow. "Oh no…." he trailed off. "What?" asked one of the scientists. "It's been transported to Poland." Japan stated. "The thingy's broken guys…" Bob held up the broken joystick. Suddenly, everyone in the room had shades on. In unison, they all slowly removed them, "Mother of God…"

Back in Poland, Pony was heading toward an assortment of colors in the distance, it'd confused him. He galloped hastily towards it, it was a rainbow. Curiously, Pony walked into it. There was a flash of light and a giant cloud of smoke. Pony emerged from the misty smoke with rounded glasses on his face, with a dignified expression and an English accent, he said but one thing,

"Neigh."

**Dun duun duuuuuuuuuuun! Alright, that's the end of this chapter. I think I'm going to advertise this story on my other fanfictions… This seems like it'd be a hard story to find… I mean, if you were just randomly looking through the website.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Oi! That's right; I'M BACK (finally)! I bring with me a new chapter….which I call Steve… Steve likes purple rectangles…**

**DEEZCLAAMAH**

** I'm American…. Of**_** course **_**I don't own Hetalia.**

_LAST TIME ON, "THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!"_

"_I hate my superpower." said England. "Here. Have a superhero nickname." America replied. "Meh," England sighed, "Do something cool." America did something cool, England doesn't like Willow Smith._

"_I lost my pony!" yelled Poland._

"_I'm makin' somethin'!" announced Japan. "Hello!" said Bob. "Well, we're screwed." declared a Japanese scientist. To which Bob screwed them all. Not like __that__, sick perv…._

"_Neigh." _

Episode 3

"_Whiplash and Power Brows, to the rescue!_"

"My, my," Pony began. "How on _Earth _did I end up here?" the animal began to trot back the way he'd come. "Hm… I should probably find out were that nice Polish man is…" Pony trailed off. "Pony!" Poland called. He pushed aside a few low-hanging branches and walked a couple steps forward. A smile formed on his lips as he saw his pet standing before him. "Pony~!" he chimed, running to hug the horse. "Ah! Polish man!" Pony called back. Poland stopped running. There was a moment of silence before Feliks spoke again. "D-did you just… speak?" he asked nervously. "Yes, I believe so…" Pony answered. "Although, it'sstrange, I probably shouldn't be able to... correct?" Poland was silent. "Well, it doesn't matter, I'm a _special _pony." With that, Pony non-chalantly trotted past the Polish man and went home.

"WOOHOO!" America yelled. The young nation had put on a cape and was now running in disoriented circles through a grocery store. England had insisted that they go to the store for him to complete his monthly shopping. Alfred had reluctantly agreed. So now America was running around, yelling, grabbing free samples, and unintentionally scaring small children. England was looking at the eggs, pretending that he didn't know the other nation.

"HEY! ENGLAND!" yelled America, flailing his arms to get Arthur's attention. People took notice, a few people passing by turned to look at the two countries. England hastily went over to the checkout counter to pay for his goods. "We're leaving now." The Englishman mumbled. The two walked out of the store, Arthur mentally dragged America out of the sliding glass doors.

"Err…Pony?" Feliks poked his head in the door. The horse had been working on something for a few hours and his Polish owner had finally achieved the courage to check on him. "What is it? I'm working." The animal replied. Poland flinched, horses shouldn't talk, they just shouldn't. "Well, I was wondering what you were making…" he trailed off. Pony turned to look at him. "I have no idea." He answered solemnly. "Hm…" he looked back at his invention. "Maybe you can help me find out, Feliks." "Like, really?!" Poland smiled widely. The horse nodded, "Indeed, now, just stand over there." He said, gesturing to a corner. The polish man did what he was told and happily ran to the corner. "Okay, now what?" he chimed. "Stand still." the pony replied simply. Suddenly, Pony was wearing shades. He moved a few steps to the right to reveal a shapeless object lying on the table. It began to flash random colors. Rainbows filled the room. Poland watched the lights in awe. Then all the bright lights hit him dead in the eye.

Oh, so that's why the pony wore shades…

Luckily, the lights shut off soon after nearly permanently blinding Feliks. Pony had already ran over to Poland to make sure he was still alive, "Are you OK?" he asked, concerned. There was a moment of silence, Poland's eyes were wide. Suddenly, smile tugged on his mouth. "Well? Didn't you hear me? Are you OK?" Pony was growing impatient. Feliks held his smile and let his eyes rest on the horse in front of him.

"LIKE, TOTALLY!" Poland yelled.

Poland's words echoed and caused the room to rumble. Pony was lifted off of the ground by the sound's wavelength. Pony screeched, damn, Feliks was _loud_. The vibrations slowly died down and Pony was brought back down to the ground. Poland seemed unaware of his feat. He remained silent, waiting to see if his horse would ask him another question. Pony blinked, and then smiled, "HAAAAAYYYY GUUURRLLL!" he said. Poland beamed, "Like, oh my god!"

_Somewhere, unrelated to the plot._

"Ugh… I feel as if somewhere… somehow… something terrible has happened mon…" said Jamaica, rubbing his temples. "Now I feel sad mon… dis I don like…"

_Back to the plot…_

America and Britain were silent, they were driving around trying to find evil to fight. Sadly, that's easier said than done. Rough world my ass, it's freakin' perfect here.

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

"Ah, America, is that your phone?" England asked, looking around.

_Ring…_

"Huh? Oh…Yes! Yes it is!" Alfred reached into his pocket to retrieve the device. "It's probably someone calling the _hero_ for help with evil." he smiled, answering his cell. "Don't get your hopes up…" Arthur mumbled.

"Whoa! Bob? What's up bro?!" America nodded, supposedly receiving a reply, "Dude, seriously? That's crazy!" "What's going on?" England asked, curious. "SHH!" Alfred replied, glaring at the Englishman. "What? No, not you Bob, just Britain. Now where is that? ...Uh huh…. Okay. Bye." Alfred hung up and turned back to Arthur. "Dude! You interrupted…" he said, annoyed. "I was just curious!" England argued. "No, just no. Don't give me that. It's common courtesy, you just don't interrupt a homie who's on the phone." "What are you _talking_ about?!" "Don't give me excuses…I thought you were different…" America huffed and turned towards the window, leaving England…well… confused.

"Like, really? I totally think that too!" Poland laughed. He and Pony were getting along really well and were currently gossiping. Suddenly, Poland decided there was something he needed to ask. "Hey…Pony…?" "Yeeeeess~?" Pony replied. "Well, I was wondering, how'd you learn to speak?" The horse looked like he was remembering something, he beamed. "I'll show you!" He galloped out of the house, Feliks followed.

"America, can you _please_ tell me what…that guy…said?" England asked. "His name is _Bob_." Alfred corrected. "Fine…" England said, "Please tell me what _Bob_ said." America turned to look at Arthur, "We have to find a rainbow…" "Huh?" England questioned. "According to Bob, Japan decided to experiment. He threw a rock at one of his scientists and knocked them unconscious. Then they ended up breaking a lever thingy and moved an intelligence rainbow beam to Poland. Luckily, Bob came in at the last minute to stop Japan from injuring any more scientists." England raised a freakishly large, laser-shooting eyebrow, "That doesn't sound like Japan…" England trailed off. "It doesn't matter…." America mumbled. "At any rate…" England continued. One of those moments were coming up again…In perfect unison, the two countries both said the same thing,

"Whiplash and Power Brows, to the rescue!"

**Whew! It's done… Sorry about that, Basketball… By the way! History lesson~! Jamaica is known as the world's most homophobic country. I'm pretty sure I've just answered some questions… Now! To reply to reviews! It's a thing I do… with all my stories… (unless they're oneshots…)**

**MarinaTheJolteonMaster-That review made me do the smile thing, to say the least. And trust me… Japan gets a biiiig role…And I'm pretty sure you know the 2012 prophecy. I was making a joke about that. Thanks for reading~!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello… chapter… here….Sorry, but this is a short one. **

_LAST TIME ON THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!_

"_Hi Poland." said Pony. "WhaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHT?" exclaimed Poland. "Screw you! I'm going home." declared Pony as he left._

"_Ima terrorizin' civilians!" exclaimed America. "NO." replied England disapprovingly, he dragged Alfred from the store._

"_Let me experiment on you." commanded Pony. "Okay!" agreed Poland. Pony gave Poland gay-beam-shooting powers._

_Jamaica is a homophobe._

"_Oh hey! My phone's ringing!" announced America. "I'M INTERRUPTING." replied England. "MAN PERIOD ACTIVATE!" yelled America. "…What?"_

_"Whiplash and Power Brows, to the rescue!"_

Episode 4

"_IT'S THE CRAZY JAPANESE LADY!"_

"Wait, I thought you said we were going to Poland!" complained England. "Well, we kinda need to know exactly what we're up against." Alfred replied. Arthur sighed, "Stop being mature…" he mumbled, "that's _my_ job." The two nations were standing beside the front stairs into Japan's laboratory. America turned and began to walk up those stairs, Britain followed.

When the countries entered the building, they immediately caught sight of a shiny elevator. Undoubtedly it led to the _real_ lab where Japan would be. Alfred began to speed-walk towards the metallic doors, but was stopped. A short Japanese woman stood in the American's way. "Sorry, we aren't accepting any guests." She stated calmly. "Oh, no, it's cool. I know a couple of the scientists up there personally." America replied. The woman scrunched up her face angrily. "NO." she said firmly. "Ew, how does your face do that? It's all….wrinkly, and stuff." The American country poked the woman's face. The woman screeched loudly and caught Alfred off guard, tackling him to the ground instantly. "Holy crap!" he yelled. America lifted up his arm to stop the crazy lady from attacking his face. She confidently bit his arm. "Ow…" Alfred whined.

_PEW._

A twin set of bullets flashed between America and the Japanese woman, who both looked up instantaneously. England stood before them, with a badass pose, and smoke twirling from his eyebrows. "Bitch, please." He said. The Englishman calmly strolled over to the woman and pressed a strip of cloth against her face, she blacked out instantly. America stood up with a surprised expression on his face, "Why the hell do you have chloroform?!" he demanded. "I've always had it," answered England flatly, " how else do you think I got your sorry ass to go to bed when you were a kid?" Arthur ignored the mortified expression he received in return as he silently pressed the button and waited for the elevator to open.

Inside the elevator, America stood awkwardly next to Britain. The American's horror was still plastered on his face. And, as if only the make the situation any more weird, light elevator music gracefully kept the silence in check. America was the first to speak.

"D-did you really—"

"Yes."

There was no more speaking for the remainder of the ride.

With a cute, _ding!_ The elevator doors opened, and he situation outside of the machine was, to say the least, chaotic. Bob happily pranced around with a small ray gun, shooting it randomly. One scientist, upon being shot, turned into a duck. Japan had a mustache for some reason and was chasing Bob while yelling random profanities in Russian. England was hit in the face with some ham and fell. When he stood back up, he turned to America, "It's _your_ turn to use_ your_ superpower." He said childishly. "But dude!" argued Alfred, "I can't use it without the song!" Arthur face-palmed, "Was it not you who said, and I quote, 'I DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MAH JAMZ!'" he asked. "Yeah…about that…" America chuckled nervously. "I may have kinda sorta left the boom box at your place…"

"What?" asked Britain coldly.

"Yeah…."

"Go get it."

"Huh?"

"Go. Get. It."

"Dude!"

"Now."

"Guuuuh…" America sighed dramatically and stomped back into the elevator. England waited for him patiently, watching to chaos. The Englishman was halfway through a book that he got from who-knows-where when the elevator opened to reveal a pissed-looking Alfred. He set down his boom box, "I hate you." He remarked in monotone. With that, he pressed the play button.

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

_I WHIP MAH HAIR BACK AND FORTH,_

No one in the room other than America heard the music, Arthur was covering his ears.

_CRACK!_

Silence, everyone in the lab stopped what they were doing and turned to the source of the noise. Alfred turned off the music and his cowlick returned to normal. "Okay dudes, what's going on?" he asked jokingly. "Yo! Alfred!" Bob waved his free arm wildly. "Sup dude!" America waved back happily. England sighed, knowing that America had completely forgotten what was going on. He looked around the room to find someone that _hadn't_ been shot by whatever gun Bob had used. In the far right corner of the laboratory, a short, brown-haired Japanese man stood in the corner, panting. Britain strolled over to him, "Excuse me, could you inform me a bit on what happened here?" he asked politely. The scientist aimed an accusing finger at Bob, "It was _him_! He came and ruined everything!" he yelled. "Ah, yes, I figured. I just wanted to make sure." Arthur smiled, "Do you by any chance know how to reverse the effects of that gun?" The man nodded, "They have to sreep, they'r be cured by the time they wake up." England glance around the room, "Does it matter _how _they get to sleep?" he asked. "Not particuarry." The scientist answered. England nodded, luckily, he only needed to cure one person. "Japan! Could you come here for a moment?" Japan nodded and walked over silently, as he could only speak Russian at the moment, despite the fact that he knew English and Japanese. Before he knew it, Arthur pressed his chloroform-covered cloth to Kiku's face. The Japanese man passed out instantly.

Satisfied, England dragged Japan's unconscious body back towards the elevator. "Hey, America, help me out." He demanded as he passed the other country. "Hm? Aw… dude, what'd you do?" Alfred asked. England glared at him and he gasped, "You used the chloroform again!" he exclaimed. Arthur groaned, "Never mind, I'll carry him myself…" he took a couple steps toward the elevator, then turned around, "Okay, at _least _press the button for me." "Hero's don't take orders." America declared. He then grabbed Kiku and hoisted him up over his shoulder, pressed the button, and walked into the elevator. "Hero just does what he wants." Alfred mumbled. England walked into the elevator with him. America whistled to the tune of the elevator music as they waited to arrive at the lobby. When the doors opened, a growling Japanese woman was waiting for them. England's mouth was wide with horror, along with America's.

"IT'S THE CRAZY JAPANESE LADY!"

**Ha! I finished! Victory dance!**

**\(-.-\) \(-.-)/ (/-.-)/**

**Alright...you can review now…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Ha! They said I shouldn't do it, that I couldn't do it…BUT I DID! I MADE THE CHAPTER. Here ya go…**

_LAST TIME ON THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!_

"_Blah blah complaining blah blah…" complained England. "MATURITAAAAAAY." declared Alfred. "No…" whined Arthur. _

_A shiny elevator appears, America and England gravitate towards it. "NO." a random Japanese woman states. "Aw…" America sighs. "OH HELL NO." England declared. Then, he knocked out that crazy bitch. _

_RANDOMNESS… England knocks out Japan._

"_IT'S THE CRAZY JAPANESE LADY!"_

Episode 5

"_SHIT, THE BOOMBOX_!"

America and England were silent, as the psycho lady was getting closer with every second. Alfred chuckled nervously, he used his free arm to place his hand on Britain's back, "Oops…" he muttered, pushing the Englishman out of the elevator. Apparently the Japanese woman didn't care who she attacked first, and began to charge at Arthur. America laughed obnoxiously and took his chance to run past the distracted lady, while still managing to carry Japan. "See ya!" he called out. England didn't bother to look at his former colony, he was well aware of the situation. "America… you are an _ass_." he declared in a low voice.

"Alright, in ya go!" said America happily, tossing Japan carelessly in the backseat. After slamming the door shut, he was ready to wait for Britain in the front seat. Only, before he could,

"ALFRED FUCKING JONES! I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T COME IN HERE RIGHT NOW I WILL DISFIGURE YOU SO BADLY THAT THE DEAR LORD ABOVE WON'T RECOGNIZE YOU!"

"Oh, I'm needed…" The American calmly walked back into the building.

"What's up?" Alfred waved. England gave him a look, one that very clearly said, '_go to hell_.' Arthur was on the ground with the psycho lady attacking him. It also appeared that his face was covered in water. "Hurry up! She knows kara—kung—She knows something Asian! And she has a water gun!" America was confused, "Where the hell did she get a water gun from?" he inquired. "I DON'T KNOW! JUST HELP M—Agh!" England ended his sentence abruptly as he was punched in the face. "DO YOU MIND?!" he yelled at the woman assaulting him. She squirted him with the gun in reply. America sighed, "Dude, can't you just shoot her with that eyebrow thing?" "IT'S NOT WORKING!" exclaimed Britain. "What? That sucks… Just a minute, I left the boom box in the lab…" Alfred began to head for the elevator. The Japanese woman was in front of the elevator in a flash, causing America to take a step back, nearly running into England in the process. "NO." she stated flatly. America groaned in frustration. "Bitch, hold my earrings!" he then tossed a pair of earrings that he got from who-knows-where at Arthur. Then the American turned back to the crazy lady blocking his path. Lowering his voice, he said "Girl, I will tear out yo weave."

The woman appeared confused for a moment, but then her face lit up in realization. "Actuarry, though you may think that this is a weave, it is not." To prove herself, she handed Alfred the end of her hair. He gave her a look before shaking his head sadly, "You deserve this…" he mumbled. Then, without warning, he yanked her up by her hair until she was about eye level with him. This was pretty high, considering she's a freakin' midget. Then, he slammed her face-first onto to tile floor.

"Is she alright…?" England inquired. "Dunno." America replied. Arthur hurriedly bent down to check the lady's pulse. After a few second's, Britain stood up urgently. "We should go." he said quickly. "Yeah." Alfred agreed. The two hastily fled the laboratory.

Back in the car, America was surprised to see that Japan remained unconscious. Arthur, however, saw that as normal and apathetically got in the driver's seat of the car. Alfred got in what he thought to be driver's seat, but then he realized that he was in a European car and got disappointed.

_Meanwhile, in a pointless place not related to the story whatsoever…._

"Hey, Bill, do you like pickles?"

"Yes."

_Back to the plot, in Poland…_

"Wow!" Feliks exclaimed. "I know, right?!" Pony replied happily. In front of them was a large rainbow. You know, the one that caused a bunch of shit? Yeah, _that _one. "So, this is how you learned to talk?" Poland asked. Pony nodded, "Yup!" he confirmed. Poland beamed, "So all I do is touch it?" "That's right." Feliks slowly eased towards the array of colors, but as he reached his hand forward, the rainbow disappeared.

"Huh? Like, what happened?" Poland questioned. "I don't know." Pony replied, confused. Feliks sighed, "That is the blows…Let's go home." Pony nodded and they walked back through the woods.

_In Japan…_

A panting scientist stood over a control panel. Everyone else the room had become a random farm animal. Except Bob, who accidently shot himself and became a unicorn. So now, the only person in the building that was still 'normal' had to do _something_ about the intelligence rainbow. So, he grabbed a hammer and beat the shit out of its projector. Of course, from the beginning someone could've pressed the, '_Emergency off Switch_', but who's going to pass up on a chance to go crazy with a _hammer_? Japan would understand. At least now the rainbow couldn't cause any damage. Someone else could deal with whatever it's done already.

_Somewhere else…_

"So Bob _did_ lie…" England mumbled. Japan nodded. America shrugged, "Eh, I can shoot him later…" he ignored the looks of surprise he received in reply to the statement. "So, Japan, where in Poland should we find the rainbow at?" Japan shook his head, "Sorry, I have no idea," he explained, "but if you don't mind, I'd rike to see your….powers…in action."

_PEW._

"Will that suffice?" Arthur asked. By now, he'd used his freakish eyebrows so much that it looked like part of face was charred. "Yes, thank you Mr. Britain." Japan replied. Alfred looked confused, "Wait, didn't you say your power brows weren't working…?" he questioned. "They weren't…" answered England. "Huh… did the Japanese lady do something that might've stopped your powers from working…?" America asked. "Japanese rady…"Kiku trailed off, "You mean our security guard…?" "Yes." Arthur replied with a nod. "What happened wi—" "Now! Back to what I was saying!" Alfred interrupted, recalling the state that he and Britain had left the psycho lady in. "Ah, yes!" England chimed, also remembering. "Well, all she did was tackle me and spray me in the face with that damned water gun…" "Umm…" Japan hesitated. "Werl… Your eyebrow bullets appear to be hot… could the water have interfered with that?" "Let's find out!" exclaimed America, pulling out a random bucket of water out from under the table. "Where'd you get that from?" Arthur inquired, but it was all he managed to say before he was soaked. "ASSHAT!" England yelled. "Yeah, I know… Now try using your power brows!" Reluctantly, Britain attempted to shoot bullets from his face, but found himself unable. "Dear god…" said England in a low tone. "Oh, so Japan was right." said Alfred. Arthur was about to continue the conversation when Japan cut in, "So America, what's your power?" Alfred laughed obnoxiously, "I'll show you!" he yelled happily. "Now…where's my…." he looked around himself before looking up with an expression of panic. Somehow, everyone in the room knew what was wrong. Even Japan, who didn't know hardly anything about the current situation.

"SHIT, THE BOOMBOX!"

**DONE. By the way, I'm gonna help out a friend. Protect and Defend by abook… READ IT. Oh…hey… I got another review for this story.**

**Missykim- I love doing the recaps… they're fun. And I assure you that there will be future chapters, yo! Thanks for reading! **


	6. Chapter 6

**IT IS DONE. **

_LAST TIME ON THE EPIC ADVENTURES OF THE HETALIA HEROES!_

_ The elevator opens, "Grr." growled the crazy Japanese lady. "SCREW YOU BITCHES! I'M OUT!" America declared, shoving England into harm's way. USUK fangirls everywhere die a little inside. "Aw fuck…" sighed England._

_ America hauls ass outside, the jeopardy theme plays as he waits patiently for Britain. _

"_(Insert morbid yet hard to understand threat here)" England yells loudly, causing America to teleport back inside. "Sup." "SHE KNOWS SOMETHING ASAIN AND SHE HAS A CHILDREN'S TOY!" Britain screamed, rather homosexually. "Oh, that sucks. Lemme grab my boombox…" Alfred headed towards the elevator, but the psycho Japanese lady went all ninja and got in his way. "Aw hell naw bee-otch." said America. The Japanese woman falls over, unconscious. "Aw, she dead." England explains. "Whateva." replies Alfred. _

_After somehow making it home, America and Britain talk to Japan. "I'm just gonna cut off this conversation to say that England's eyebrows don't work when they're wet." said America. "Oh, cool." said Britain. "Interesting." agreed Japan. "Indeed." stated Alfred._

"_SHIT, THE BOOMBOX!" _

Episode 6

"_Let the operation begin._"

"Hey, where's the security guard?" asked Japan as he, America, and England entered the building. "So selfish," criticized Alfred, "your employees deserve breaks too." "Ah… I guess you're right." agreed Kiku. "Of course I am!" declared America with a smile. After Japan was out of earshot, Alfred turned to Britain and shook him harshly, "Dude! Where the hell is the security guard?!" he whispered harshly. "How should I know?!" replied Arthur in a similar tone.

"What's going on?" questioned Japan, who'd already retrieved the boombox and, for some reason, a hammer. "Nothing!" England and Alfred spat out in unison. Kiku sighed, "I don't understand westerners…" he said flatly. "Ret's reave." He subtly demanded. America nodded, "Good idea!" he said happily, sprinting towards the door. "Was he dropped as a child?" Japan mumbled curiously. "Twice, once by accident." England answered. Japan sent him a shocked look, to which Britain placed a hand on the Japanese man's shoulder, "Let's not tell him that." he added.

"Could you ret me drive, prease?" asked Japan. "Uh, sure..." agreed Arthur. America sighed dramatically and got out of the front seat to let Japan sit down, but he quickly got in the car on the other side, forcing Britain to make his way to the back. "So, where're you gonna drive us to?" inquired America. "The interrigence beam was my creation, so its effects are my responsibirity." Kiku replied, "I'd rike to help you." "Uh-huh, that's great." said Alfred, "But where are we going?" "We're here." said Japan.

Kiku drove the car into a parking lot, beyond it, was a plethora of storage garages. The three nations slowly exited the car and Japan silently led the way to a particular garage, labeled '5'. Japan flicked a switch and with a low, mechanical rumble, a large metal door opened. A massive robot was revealed.

"Wow, it's shiny!" America commented. Japan nodded. "What's it called?" asked England. "We never named it." answered Kiku. "What's it do?" asked Alfred. "I think it's pretty obvious," said Britain, "It's supposed to fight." "Actuarry, no." said Japan. "Huh?" said Arthur questioningly.

"You see," explained Kiku, "this robot was made to _dance_." "What?!" exclaimed England, "How's _that _going to help us?" "Werl," said Japan, "The robot was made with fighting capabirities." "So, there's no problem then!" declared America happily. "No, there is one probrem…" Japan trailed off. "What is it?" questioned Arthur. Japan sighed, "If it 'hears' music, it wirl _immediatrey_ begin to dance." America gasped, "But, to use my crazy hair powers, I _need _music!" he complained. "I know." replied Kiku. "We won't be abur to attack anything at the same time." "Aw, man!" America whined. "I guess I can still use my fists…." He said in a lower tone. "Exactly!" exclaimed Britain, "That means everything's OK, so we have to go." Japan nodded, "You're right, who knows what the interrigence beam has done arready. Engrand, you drive. Sorry, America, I just don't trust you. I'm going to take the robot." "Alright." Britain agreed. Alfred just made a face, but if he _had_ said something, I'm pretty sure it would've been something along the lines of, "Fuck you too, Japan."

Japan began to head over to the robot as America and England drove away. Alfred turned around to see Kiku climbing up the back of the robot. With a barely audible mechanical whir, the machine was activated. It immediately stood to attention and few hidden lights on the robot lit up. "Woah…" whispered America in awe.

Then, with a loud roar, the robot took off, leaving behind a cloud of smoke. "HOLY SHIT!" exclaimed England, startled by the sudden noise. In his panic, he lost control of the car. He and Alfred both screamed in a very feminine fashion as the car swerved into a nearby ditch.

_Meanwhile, in Poland…_

Pony and Poland had run out of gossip a long time ago and now were sitting in Feliks' room, doing absolutely nothing. Poland sighed dramatically, "What are we going to do?" he asked, not really expecting much of an answer. Pony also sighed, "I don't know, maybe we could—" he twitched madly, "tAKE OVer the WORLD."

"W-what?" asked Feliks, concerned. "I was just saying that—" pony twitched again, "WORLD DOMinAtion sounds like a fun idea." Poland chuckled nervously, "Ha ha…you sound kind of like an evil robot…" he pointed out. Pony stared at him blankly, he reached into a pocket that came out of nowhere and pulled out a pocket watch. Swinging it in front of Poland, he spoke again, "Don't you think World DOMINation sounds like a fun thing to do?"

"Y-yes…" Poland trailed off. "…It sounds the best…"

_In Japan…_

"Guuugh…" Bob groaned, rubbing his head tiredly. He was in the lab, and back to normal. Everyone else had left. Bob slowly stood up and examined his surroundings carefully. The first thing he noticed was the intelligence beam, which had recently been destroyed. "Dammit!" he cursed. He looked around again before retrieving a cell phone from his pocket. After jabbing in a phone number, he silently waited for someone to pick up.

"Yes?" a woman's voice spoke. "Hey, it's me." Bob replied, a bit uneasy. "Is something wrong?" the woman asked. "Ha ha… Maybe, the beam's been destroyed." answered Bob, there was a moment of silence before the woman on the other line spoke again. "Do you think they found out?" she inquired without hesitation. "Impossible," assured Bob, "I doubt they'd ever suspect me, but they almost found the glitch, so I may have broken a lever in the process of my distraction…" "_What?!_" inquired the woman, anger and surprise creeping into her voice. "I'm sorry! There was a banana and, uh, never mind. There still might be hope for the mission though. Japan said the beam made it to Poland, I created another distraction to keep the beam there for a good hour or so." "Oh?" the woman sounded interested now. "Yes!" Bob confirmed. "It's possible that it's affected hundreds of people!" "Good." said the woman.

"Let the operation begin."

**Hey look! It's one of those storyline things! Yeah…Sorry for being gone for so long, school… So, who do you think the woman is? Review…If you're right, I'll clap for you. Holy crap! Reviews… I'm gonna reply to those…**

**MarinaTheJolteonMaster-Yup, that's right! Good observation on your part. Thanks for liking my randomness. And don't worry, I'll keep the characters…well…in character. It'll be more noticeable once the story really starts up. Anyway, thanks for reading!**

**ForeverSouth- Thanks for liking the story! I'm glad you think it's so funny… Honestly, I laugh while writing it, and I swear to god a look like a mad scientist…**

**Kiki Sparklehonda- Dunno, it's probably hard to pronounce… **


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